The work is done - feeling good

Today I was at the United Nations, Palais des Nations again. I started in the morning by attending the session on the review of the U.S. by the Human Rights Committee, but I left halfway to spread the leaflets of our side-event “Torture in Psychiatry- Ending impunity” , which was scheduled at 15.00 in the afternoon. I met some people and networked a bit more, and I also went to the UN Book store to get myself some handbooks on the UN treaties and treaty bodies. Then I went back to the US-review session to listen. It was great to hear that Ms Zonke Majodina, South African member of the UN Human Rights Committee, posed tough questions to the U.S. government on forced psychiatric interventions. The U.S. government didn’t provide any answer (which is bad, and will probably be mentioned in the Concluding Observations of the Human Rights Committee).

The morning passed rather quickly, and then we went to room VIII where our side-event was scheduled. The room was occupied till 15.00 so we sat in the hallway and finalized our contributions and discussed how we were going to do it, since the US-review would be going on all afternoon and Patricia Bauerle, Aubrey Shomo and Tina Minkowitz (all from the United States) didn’t want to miss it. The plan was that they could rotate between our side-event and the US-review to hear the answers of the US Government to the Human Rights Committee. However in the end they all decided to stay at the side-event. Vicky Lee from IDA was present at the US-review and she would inform us when anything important on disability-rights would happen. But nothing happened. (I suppose they only addressed the more “popular” human rights issues, such as death-penalty, Guantanamo Bay, discrimination and so on, which could be expected). It was very good to find out that the absence of a reaction was then again questioned by the Human Rights Committee, which shows that they take the issue of forced treatments seriously. That was a true victory for us.

The side-event went well. We started with personal testimonies which addressed the lack of access to justice, and I mentioned how I struggled for about 20 years to find justice, and now my case was finally addressed by the Special Rapporteur on Torture (https://spdb.ohchr.org/hrdb/24th/public_-_AL_Netherlands_08.10.13_(2.2013).pdf ). Then Hege and Tina went more into the legal context. Again I cannot write an extended report (it will be added to my to-do-list), but our session was received very well.

Then after that, I got this strange feeling of relaxation. I didn’t have to worry about the next presentation anymore, because this was the last one of this week. It was done. No more rushing. No more postponing of my own thoughts. I will now have time to really study the Observation of my complaints. I just didn’t have the time for that yet, and it is quite hard to understand what is all in there. This week was actually about the maximum of activity I could take. The Observation of the Special Rapporteurs really had an impact on me, but I didn’t have the time to give it a good thought, because I was basically running from the one presentation to the other, while the Observation is so important for me. I hardly had time to sort it out in between, and that is why my head was so full this week. And now I have this strange peace over me. I finally have time for my personal affairs, such as digesting the Observation. I finally have the time to FEEL. I don’t need to suppress it anymore. And I feel that my heart is opening up. I feel some victorious happiness coming in. I DID IT! I got recognized by the Special Rapporteur on Torture!! I will go back to the Netherlands tomorrow, but it isn’t the same as before. I can hold my head up high. I can be proud. This is really giving me tears in my eyes. I feel the change. I am no longer marginalized. I am recognized. My life will not be the same anymore. I feel like I AM someone, in terms of citizenship. I am a member of the world, a person, a human being, and I have rights. They cannot get away with violating me worse than an animal. I feel a sense of restoration. I feel some wholeness. And when I think about upcoming return to the Netherlands, I get emotional. It will not be the same. I will not be the powerless victim anymore. I AM SOMEONE and I count too. No more impunity, but justice is on it’s way.

Tomorrow when I get home there will be some friends coming over and I got something to celebrate. NOW it s getting real for me. For once I am not depressed to go back to the Netherlands, and not afraid of the barriers that make users and survivors suffer. I feel empowered. I feel stronger than before. I feel like I will be able to break the bad system down, and free the people. That is my wish.

When I was solitary confined for almost 2 years, there was no Superman who came to save me. Nobody came. It was horrible. Like nobody cared. Afterwards I decided that I should not turn my back to this suffering, but try to be the Superwoman that I missed. I feel like I just got a big hammer from the Special Rapporteurs, and I’m ready to smash all the doors that detain people with psychosocial disabilities.
I am not a powerless little girl anymore. I am empowered. The air smells better, my body feels lighter. I can only start to feel that now. I can allow the feelings, because the work here is done for now. It is time for ME now.

Probably I will go back to Geneva in 3 weeks, to attend the session of the CRPD-Committee, and to support them in their Draft General Comment on CRPD Article 12. But I’m not going to think about work now. I have done enough this week. It is weekend! Tomorrow I will go home. I have proven that they cannot f@*# with me. I have rights too!! The victory tastes good!!!! I am looking forward to setting foot on the ground in the Netherlands, and feeling not so small anymore. I am feeling bigger than before. And that feels GOOD!! :)