On a mission
Door: Jolijn
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15 Juli 2012 | Hongarije, Boedapest
Blog 15 juli 2012
I’m in Budapest now, at the Central European University Residence centre. It is nice here. I already met quite a few people from the course (and other courses as well), and I’m making new friends here. The vibe is good: young people having a good time.
After my arrival, in the afternoon, I went with Lajos and Morgan to get a transport-card and ID-pictures, and after that I rested in my room for an hour, because I didn’t really get to sleep last night, so I’m quite tired.
At 6pm we went into Budapest with a group from our course Mental Disability Law in Practice, and located the University building, the MDAC office, and then we went to Szimpla, one of the best bars of the world (according to Lonely Planet). It was nice to get to know each other a little better, before the course starts tomorrow.
But I’m still a bit worried about what is to come. I have no idea. It could be good, it could be very tough. So far I’m the only user/survivor here, and the rest are law-students, attorneys and so on. (and often I don’t get along with the mindset of juridical types). But these people here are young, so it can still turn out fine. And they are really nice and lovely people here. But somehow I’m a bit scared, that I may get a lot of pain here because of the (possible) contents of the course. I already knew that when I accepted the invitation. It could make me cry very badly..
But the course is fully paid for. I’m fully funded to be here. I didn’t want to decline, not even when it will be 2 weeks of hard discussion (and in fact I could use a holiday). But I see my participation here at this course as a chance to increase my skills, to educate others from a user perspective, and to build a network. And “that’s my job”, so I couldn’t refuse such a chance to come to new steps. So to me it is work to be here.. I need to be strong, rational, and prepared to take some painful discussions. I need to stand up and speak out. I’m prepared to do so. And I’m a little bit scared, because I’m vulnerable when it comes to the traumatizing laws, and I will be exposed 2 weeks long. It is a very hard thing to do for me personally (after 17 years of searching for justice, and often facing a rigid system of exclusion and misunderstandings on our human rights). I have been re-traumatized by this so often (wrong laws/wrong explanations can hurt like a kick in the face). I know that, and I know I’m risking it again now…
But I’m proud that I’m here to participate at the course. It’s like doing the impossible. Stretching my limits. I’m doing it. I’m facing it (again and again). I won’t be silenced, not even after many kicks in the face. I have to get up again, and face the next battle. I just can’t let go, no matter how much pain it may cause me. I must keep on fighting for what I believe is right. It is just 2 weeks. I will get over it anyway :) So there is nothing to fear. I will survive. I just have to be here, to do this job.
And so far the group is really nice. I shouldn't worry. I can’t tell what will happen over the next 2 weeks. I guess I should read the materials to get more clarity on the contents. But so far I just didn’t have the time for that yet. (it was only 10 days ago that I was invited to be here, and I was then in the middle of giving feedback to SPT, so I didn’t have time to read it before). So I will now read some papers before going to sleep.
But I should also get some rest. To me the most important thing is that I keep on standing strong, and not break down because of very intense feelings of injustices.. I’m strong. I can do it. I made it this far and I know why I am here. I have a mission.
I’m in Budapest now, at the Central European University Residence centre. It is nice here. I already met quite a few people from the course (and other courses as well), and I’m making new friends here. The vibe is good: young people having a good time.
After my arrival, in the afternoon, I went with Lajos and Morgan to get a transport-card and ID-pictures, and after that I rested in my room for an hour, because I didn’t really get to sleep last night, so I’m quite tired.
At 6pm we went into Budapest with a group from our course Mental Disability Law in Practice, and located the University building, the MDAC office, and then we went to Szimpla, one of the best bars of the world (according to Lonely Planet). It was nice to get to know each other a little better, before the course starts tomorrow.
But I’m still a bit worried about what is to come. I have no idea. It could be good, it could be very tough. So far I’m the only user/survivor here, and the rest are law-students, attorneys and so on. (and often I don’t get along with the mindset of juridical types). But these people here are young, so it can still turn out fine. And they are really nice and lovely people here. But somehow I’m a bit scared, that I may get a lot of pain here because of the (possible) contents of the course. I already knew that when I accepted the invitation. It could make me cry very badly..
But the course is fully paid for. I’m fully funded to be here. I didn’t want to decline, not even when it will be 2 weeks of hard discussion (and in fact I could use a holiday). But I see my participation here at this course as a chance to increase my skills, to educate others from a user perspective, and to build a network. And “that’s my job”, so I couldn’t refuse such a chance to come to new steps. So to me it is work to be here.. I need to be strong, rational, and prepared to take some painful discussions. I need to stand up and speak out. I’m prepared to do so. And I’m a little bit scared, because I’m vulnerable when it comes to the traumatizing laws, and I will be exposed 2 weeks long. It is a very hard thing to do for me personally (after 17 years of searching for justice, and often facing a rigid system of exclusion and misunderstandings on our human rights). I have been re-traumatized by this so often (wrong laws/wrong explanations can hurt like a kick in the face). I know that, and I know I’m risking it again now…
But I’m proud that I’m here to participate at the course. It’s like doing the impossible. Stretching my limits. I’m doing it. I’m facing it (again and again). I won’t be silenced, not even after many kicks in the face. I have to get up again, and face the next battle. I just can’t let go, no matter how much pain it may cause me. I must keep on fighting for what I believe is right. It is just 2 weeks. I will get over it anyway :) So there is nothing to fear. I will survive. I just have to be here, to do this job.
And so far the group is really nice. I shouldn't worry. I can’t tell what will happen over the next 2 weeks. I guess I should read the materials to get more clarity on the contents. But so far I just didn’t have the time for that yet. (it was only 10 days ago that I was invited to be here, and I was then in the middle of giving feedback to SPT, so I didn’t have time to read it before). So I will now read some papers before going to sleep.
But I should also get some rest. To me the most important thing is that I keep on standing strong, and not break down because of very intense feelings of injustices.. I’m strong. I can do it. I made it this far and I know why I am here. I have a mission.
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16 Juli 2012 - 05:42
Je Moeder:
Zet 'm op!!!
liefs je moeder -
16 Juli 2012 - 10:03
Martin:
Veel success!
En geniet van het mooie land daarzo!
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