Je bekijkt de reis...
Reisverslag Emotional rollercoaster
26 juli 2012
Then in the afternoon during class I got a phonecall from the Netherlands, from my network, saying that I might had found a lawyer who could help me (I had been asking for legal advice to find out some points: Time limits are appealed, but it is unknown how long a case can be put on a hold after this…), people had been helping me to find that out, so I was very happy and hopeful when I heard there was a lawyer who could look at my case.
But when I called to the mediating person after class, it seemed to be a non-practicing lawyer, who could still advice me, but not help me… , and my contact at the Dutch organization who can legally help users/survivors, also had no idea who could help me practically. He is a good guy, but he was saying the usual painful crap. He told me: “when the non-practicing law-expert heard that my case dates from 1994-1997, she said it would be hard”. He acknowledged I was trapped in the system.. I cracked. I just couldn’t hold my emotions anymore. I really cried. I needed some time before I could explain why I was so upset.
But everyone over here was really nice to me, and made me smile again. I went back to the Residence centre with Sanjay in the taxi (better than being in the metro with big red eyes). At the Residence centre we sat outside and chilled a bit. That was really good.
And in the evening I sat again in the kitchen with the group, and we had so much fun. It was hilarious, I pissed myself laughing. We were prepared for Moot Court and joked about everything; “since I have no right to standing for this court, I will sit during my plea…” It was soo funny, everyone must have heard us laughing. I still feel good. It was lovely.
I have been thinking, and in a way I maybe shouldn’t have taken on my own case during this course, because it cracked me today… but on the other hand, being silent is also no option, then it cumulates inside me, and would also have come out in some way.. So either way it would have come out. I’m not in denial. I just chose to face it fully. Lacking access to justice is just shit, and I can’t make it pretty..
Tears are also part of life. And so is laughing till your jaws hurt. So at least I am a human being, and I’m proud of that.
I won’t do my summarizing report of today now, and neither will I finish yesterday’s report today (which is already half-done). I will just take a good rest, and listen to some music. (love is stronger than pain).
Tomorrow is the last day of the course, we will have the Moot Court, and we will have dinner afterwards and socialize till late. I don’t want to miss out on that (and I have another intense phonecall to make tomorrow – but I’m prepared, I won’t crack, I will be strong). I don’t really feel like going home on Saturday... I like it here, so I will enjoy as much as I can while I’m here.
So anyway it was a deeply intense day for me. I deserve some relaxation after this emotional rollercoaster. MDAC summerschool is empowering me in the legal field, but also emotionally very heavy, with heights and depts. Altogether it is an adventure, and I’m living it.
27 juli 2012 06:41 | Door: je moeder
Ik hoop dat je nog een fijne laatste dag hebt en morgen een goede reis terug.
liefs en een dikke kus...