Overcoming flashbacks, feeling good
Door: Jolijn
Blijf op de hoogte en volg Jolijn
20 Juli 2012 | Hongarije, Boedapest
I will write a more ‘rational’ report about the Ray of Hope-institution tomorrow. My emotions have calmed down now. Yesterday it was just a little much for me. First seeing the horrors at the institution, and then hearing the personal testimonies of persons with psychosocial disabilities and intellectual disabilities, which sometimes really came close to my own horrors. Of course I was still digesting these things today. But I noticed that throughout the day I had several flashbacks to my own experiences. I was really loaded. It had been triggered. It has actually helped me a lot that Keith and Anna asked about my personal story today during dinner. When I told it, it got off my chest. I guess I just needed to be acknowledged. I have been very open about it, which actually gave me my pride back. It isn’t easy to talk about certain things, but I did it, and it feels good to be understood. That brought me back to my feet. In fact I thought I could swallow it and that my hurt would fade away, but my mind had been running all day. I literally saw my own seclusion programme (“no music, no reading, no conversations in seclusion”). I felt the degrading again of being naked and solitary confined, the body cavity searches, being strapped on a bed. It was all under my skin and it was bugging me. It made me less focussed in class today. But now my inner tension is gone by talking about it. That’s an interesting lesson. I guess I needed to deal with my own hurt, to separate that from the things I saw. Now I feel able to reflect ‘rationally’ and not so much emotionally to the visit of the Ray of Hope-institution. Quite interesting to experience how ‘social support’ works.. I feel good again now. Back on my feet. I have been refuelled.
It has been an interesting learning day again, but I don’t really have the time to write it out now. It’s already late, and I guess I should catch up with sleeping some more. That will also make me more productive and faster. So tomorrow I will write how I overslept despite 3 alarms, how I got late at school, and how nice the dinner on the boat on the Danube was. And I will also give a more rational update on the institution soon.
Now it’s weekend, time to enjoy Budapest. And the homework will have a second place :)
It has been an interesting learning day again, but I don’t really have the time to write it out now. It’s already late, and I guess I should catch up with sleeping some more. That will also make me more productive and faster. So tomorrow I will write how I overslept despite 3 alarms, how I got late at school, and how nice the dinner on the boat on the Danube was. And I will also give a more rational update on the institution soon.
Now it’s weekend, time to enjoy Budapest. And the homework will have a second place :)
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21 Juli 2012 - 06:30
Je Moeder:
Geniet van Boedapest! Het is een prachtige stad. En jij kunt dan weer energie opdoen.
liefs en een dikke knuffel
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